hope... it's always meant something, always kept me holding on. after lexi died, it meant even more. it meant everything. it means everything. i miss her more and more every day. every day, i tell myself that someday, it won't hurt this much. i miss her calling me at 2am, crouched on the bathroom floor, whispering if she could tell her boyfriend that she loved him and how to do it. i miss her calling me to tell me when she drove in a new part of town. most of all, i miss our after school chats, about life and love and friends and everything. i miss walking around town, laughing until we puked, literally. "big sister time," as she called it. there is no one else who has ever looked up to me like she did. she made me feel worthy of being looked up to. worthy of something. every day, i pray that i made her feel the same during her short time here.
i just want to know why.
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